by Tim Fitzpatrick October 08, 2017 0 Comments

Earlier this week, Jacob DeGrom stunned Mets fans when he lopped off a great deal of his trademark mane.

Plenty of fans welcomed the change, finding DeGrom’s new ‘do very becoming. Resident handsomeness expert, my mom, had this to say about the change:

So now that Jacob has taken the leap, should Mets fans be prepared for more Earth-shattering grooming news? Like a woman who just rid herself of a bad relationship, what if Noah Syndergaard wants to cleanse himself of the stink of the 2017 season and go for a new look? Should Thor decide to follow Jake's lead, here are a couple of ideas:

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The Ricky Vaughn

The similarities are apparent: fan favorite flame-thrower, connection to a piece of pop culture created in the 1960’s. Major League’s anti-hero Ricky Vaughn helped lead his team to a playoff berth in spite of a roster filled with aging vets, unproven youngsters, and financially-strapped ownership. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Does Thor see himself as a modern day Wild Thing? A move to this signature hair style could indicate to the Mets he plans to make everything groovy next season.

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The College Sophomore Who Discovered Weed and Phish During Summer Break

Is Noah going to channel his inner-Ras Trent and rock the dreadlocks? He already has the length for it, and the locks flowing behind his back might serve as a useful deception tactic on the mound. It isn’t too difficult to picture Thor showing up to Spring Training with an orange-and-blue Tam hat, Birkenstocks, and a Peter Tosh t-shirt. After all, everyone loved it when John Jaso did it, right?

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The Guile From Street Fighter II

Pros:

• “High and Tight” now works on multiple levels.

• Instant respect from your dad, who wanted him to, "Cut that damn hippie hair off."

• Noah can still cosplay a character at comic book conventions.

• Easier for Noah to stand on his head.

• If it worked for Howie Long, it can work for Thor.

Cons:

• Probably difficult to put a baseball cap on.

• Vanilla Ice jokes will get old very quickly.

• The one weekend a month, two weeks a year Noah will be away from the team for National Guard duty.

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The Teenager With Emotions



After an offseason of listening to Dashboard Confessional and 7 Seconds of Summer, Mets fans can expect a new, mopier Thor on the mound in 2018. Shuffling towards the mound with his head down, foregoing his warmup pitches because, “What’s the point?”  Maybe letting out a long, angsty sigh before rolling his eyes and delivering a pitch. Noah would become an idol to all hulking, 6’6” emo kids who wish to make it to The Show someday: a huge demographic, as we all know. The eyeliner may be hard to apply with the hectic schedule of a Major Leaguer, but this may be the perfect new visage Thor is looking for.

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