The Nine Best Facebook Comments from the Mickey Callaway Presser

by Tim Fitzpatrick October 24, 2017 0 Comments

 

In the age of social media, every sports announcement draws from fans a unique brand of social media commentary covering the entire spectrum of emotion. There are no call-screeners or short-tempered hosts to prevent the purest of reactions from reaching the listener. Facebook comments offer an unfiltered experience.

The Mets introduction of Mickey Callaway was no different.

A majority of comments either expressed optimism for the new hire, or likened this to band-aid covering a gaping chest wound. But those were a dime a dozen. To bring you Facebook commentary distilled into its purest form, I have trudged through the swamps of “Sell the Team” and “Harvey’s a Diva” to find the very best of the Facebook comments on Monday’s stream. Photos and names have been removed for the protection of the commenter.

For those of you who didn't watch live, there was a period of 20 minutes that the cameras were fixed on an empty chair. Mets brass must have promised not to start the press conference without the above commenter, and were awaiting the OK to proceed. Reportedly our commenter had a work meeting run late. Mets management, always true to their word, patiently waited for this fan to sign on.

This one requires some dissection. First of all, broccoli and sour cream makes one hell of a veggie pizza. Any interest in a broccoli alfredo slice? Don’t be so defeatist, anonymous poster. Get creative! 

The second part of this comment implies that the commenter is playing some obscure Lucas Arts point-and-click game, and can only receive the magical pendant if they collect all the ingredients to bake a cake for the old hermit’s birthday. The pendant can then be inserted into the pendant-shaped slot on the door to the alien spacecraft, as we all know. Apparently this commenter has never heard of GameFAQ’s.

This person has clearly not met many Mets fans.

On the other hand, this person is very familiar with Mets fans.

The “Newsbreaker” is always an underappreciated participant of Facebook threads. While true - Knight was arrested on assault charges - it is highly unlikely the Mets social media account would include this information in a completely unrelated press conference. But thank you, Newsbreaker, for your service.

A beautiful piece of contemporary storytelling, we witness the rise and fall of a plucky, young salesperson whose first comment expresses their wholehearted belief in these apparently indestructible iPhone chargers. The second comment, however, is that of a broken, disillusioned man, desperately pleading to the reader to have pity, and glance over his wares. Here is a modern-day Arthur Miller.

Tough to argue with that.

Rest in peace, friend.

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