On Thursday, the Mets reached out to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson to come back to Citi Field and redeem himself for his infamous ceremonial first pitch:
In case you don’t remember, Fifty stepped to the Citi Field mound before a Mets vs. Pirates game and threw his first pitch so far outside, not even Angel Hernandez would call it a strike. The pitch doubles as one of the worst, yet most hilarious first pitches thrown in MLB history:
Fifty should accept the Mets invitation to redeem himself, but not until he’s worked on his form and changed some mechanics. Here are five sure-fire ways Curtis can ensure a successful redemption
Throw the pitch upside down.
He spent half of the “In Da Club” video inverted, so why not give it a shot for his redemption pitch. He’ll be back in his natural element, and we’ll all be reminded of a time when he was enjoying a specific rum as if it was the day of the anniversary of his birth.
Stay hydrated under Mickey’s new plan
Mickey Callaway has introduced a new health regimen, and that extends to those invited to throw out the first pitch. A major part in the skipper’s new plan is to monitor player’s hydration levels, and to make sure they are sufficiently quenched before appearing. This should be no problem for Mr. Cent, who can slug a few bottles of his own Formula 50 Vitamin Water to meet Mickey’s throwing standards.
Down a few at McFadden’s before he takes the mound
Fifty will need some liquid courage, so he might as well get it while hangin’ with the fans. He needs to experience the pre-game ritual like all of us: getting rocked off of $8 aluminum bottles while a DJ talks over our favorite songs from the early 2000s. Hey, he can even get a discount if he rocks some T7L.
Learn the Mejia Stomp
Mejia has as good a chance to pitch again as Fifty does hitting the strike zone, but that doesn’t mean a legacy can’t live on. Curtis needs to hedge in case things don't go better. The solution? Hit the Mejia stomp after the pitch. A true showman recognizes a good signature move, and with Mejia not due back any time this lifetime, he might as well adopt this one.
Abstain the night before
Following an athletic superstition dating back to ancient Greece, Fifty must withhold from performing the ol' horizontal mambo the night before game day. This won’t come easy for Mr. P.I.M.P., but if he’s serious about his redemption he’ll have to show discipline. God help us if Vivica A. Fox is in New York that week.
If you're hitting the final home game on Thursday at Citi Field, swing by the Marina Lot to see some friends, maybe meet some new ones, and responsibly wash down your sorrows before heading inside.