The Mets Fans' Guide to Super Bowl LII
If you’re a Mets fan who follows the NFL, your allegiance is most likely with the New York Jets or the New York Giants. And if your allegiance is with either of those teams, you hate this year’s Super Bowl.
Two of our most hated division rivals will square off for national glory, all while New York fans remain in sports purgatory. This is a brutal Super Bowl match up for Mets fans, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. So have no fear, Mets fans, your guide to maybe the worst Super Bowl possible is here:
Take Monday Off
The Monday after any Super Bowl is awful, but this one promises to be be especially appalling. We’ll have spent all of Sunday eating and drinking (maybe even crying), so being productive at work the next day is lost.
Instead, stay home and start getting ready for baseball. Read about the hot stove, buy some Mets tickets, or get into an argument on #MetsTwitter. Remember, either the Eagles or Patriots are going to be Super Bowl Champions come Monday morning, so plan ahead and give yourself the day to recover.
Root wisely
Unless you’re somehow a combo of a Mets-Eagles or Mets-Patriots fan (keep this one to yourself), you wish this Super Bowl a slow, painful death. However, some of us need someone or something to root for. You won’t like either decision, but if you’re on the fence, consider the case for each team below:
Root for the Eagles if you...
Are a self-loathing Mets-Jets fan.
Are mad the Red Sox didn’t keep the Yanks out of the playoffs.
Have had an awful encounter with Boston fans, as some of us have.
Think New England clam chowder is best served directly into a trash can.
Bet the 50-to-1 odds for the Eagles to win.
Generally hate Tom Brady and everything he stands for.
Want Mike Trout to be happy.
Root for the Patriots if you...
Are a Mets-Giants fan.
Hate the Phillies with a burning passion.
Have had an awful encounter with Philly fans, as most of us have.
Don’t know what the hell a “hoagie” is.
Bet the 6-to-1 odds that the Pats would win Super Bowl LI.
Think the Philly Cheesesteak ranks below hospital food.
Stuff your face
Whether you’re at a party or by yourself, treat yourself to a monumental game day meal. This is a good day to get yourself back into ballpark mode. Consider wings, nachos (sans helmet), burgers, hot dogs, sausage and peppers, fries, and anything else that reminds you of Box Frites or Keith’s grill. Soon enough it’ll be time to head back to Citi Field to endure that 3-inning wait for Shake Shack.
Enjoy a drink (or five)
A Mets fan’s alcohol consumption would skyrocket for a Yankees-Nats World Series, and this Super Bowl is practically the football equivalent. The NFL is already one giant beer ad, so we might as well partake to help medicate. Again, consider this prep for your next Citi Field visit. With the new Mikkeller brewery set to debut, we’ll need to be ready.
Place some prop bets
Don’t care about football, but want in on some action? The Super Bowl offers some of the most pointless, yet hilarious wager opportunities with their prop bets. While there’s no action on a Bobby Valentine mustache appearance, here are some of this year’s best:
How many times will the word “dilly” be said during the broadcast?
Over 12.5 (-115)
Under 12.5 (-115)
This hinges upon a certain light beer company buying some Super Bowl ad time, and how much ad time they buy. Assuming they buy only one commercial, I like my chances with the under.
Yes (+1500)
No (-4000)
On one hand, it’s almost a lock that there won’t be another malfunction, as the backlash from the Super Bowl XXVIII halftime show is still top of mind. On the other hand, another exposed breast will spark bedlam and the potential payout is tempting. Let’s play it safe and say No.
Will Charles Barkley be shown during the broadcast?
Yes (-200)
No (+150)
Everybody loves them some Chuck. He’s a Philly sports legend, was shown during the NFC Championship broadcast, and apparently placed a hefty wager on the Eagles to win the big game this year.
He’ll most likely be in attendance once again, so NBC is sure to show him on air. This is a bigger lock than a Mets pitcher heading to the DL, so: Yes.
Watch the Mets
If all else fails and you don’t want to watch this 5-hour abomination of a Super Bowl, order some food, get yourself a beer, and watch the two videos below:
1986, Game 6: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0jV_kNs2p0
1986, Game 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmODgrzd_b8
Either way, we’ve got a rough Sunday on our hands. But don’t worry, pitchers and catchers report in 10 days, and we can forget this Super Bowl ever happened.
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